Being Unattached To The Outcome
By Zan Perrion
There seems to be some confusion relative to the concept of "having no agenda" and "being unattached to the outcome".
When I say I have no agenda, I mean I have no hidden agenda. When I meet a delightful girl, she knows exactly what I am about. She knows there is no way she can put me in the "let's just be friends" box. How does she know this? Because I tell her!
I tell her with my body language, my touch, and my words. She knows the difference between me and a guy who is on the make, trying to pick her up. And also the difference between me and a guy who is a "nice guy", asking her out for a coffee, and a subsequent string of frustrating "dates".
And when I say I am "unattached to the outcome", I am really saying:
I am open to all outcomes, but attached to none.
There you go. This is very important. I think some guys are thinking that all I do is approach women, shower them with compliments, and then skip merrily on my way singing "Skippity-doo-dah". No, this spectacularly misses the point.
Of course I would love to get physical with this delightful girl... to explore her in all her glory! That's who I am. And of course I am going to say, "Wow, look at you!" Of course I am going to say, "Run away with me... I'll take you on an adventure!"
Zan: Wow, look at you in that dress! You look spectacular. I was over there and I saw you standing over here, and I just had to come say hello...
Her: Well, thank you!
Zan: I have never seen you before. Amazing, huh? I usually know all the girls around here.
Her: Hmm, really...
Zan: Of course! Tell you what... why don't you cancel your plans and come out with me this evening? We will celebrate!
Her: I can't. I have a boyfriend.
Zan: (leaning in and winking) Ah, but that's not what I asked.
Her: (laughing) That's true...
Zan: Is that a no?
Her: Hmm, I'd like to, but I can't...
Zan: I understand, of course. And don't worry, I completely respect that you have a boyfriend. But hey, I would be remiss if I didn't come over here and say hello to you, now wouldn't I? And I would be completely out of character if I didn't offer you a shared adventure tonight. That's just my nature.
Her: That's refreshing to hear. In another time and place, perhaps...
Zan: (looking in her eyes and smiling) Yes, I can tell... just by looking at you... in another time and place, you and I would be the most exquisite lovers...
Her: Oh really? How can you be so sure? You don't even know my name...
Zan: Ah, but can you feel that in the air? That sense of destiny, that connection?
Zan: (laughing) Of course you can... look at you... you totally understand what I am saying...
All of the above is said with a smile on your face, and a twinkle in your eye. She will laugh, and shake her head at your audacity, and turn you down, but guess what? She will love it!
There is no presumption here. There is no manipulation. There is no hidden agenda. There is no neediness. There is no rejection. There is no crushing sense of loss because she has a boyfriend. There is no "I am the prize". There is no "If you don't accept what I am offering, then it's your loss". There is no trying to wrest a phone number from her.
There is just you expressing who you are. And that you like nice things, and that in another time and place, you and her would be lovers, and that you are not afraid to walk across the room to tell her that very thing.
And no, you will not apologize for it! She will understand implicitly that this is just who you are, this is the way you celebrate life, and this is your style.
She will never put you in the "let's just be friends" zone. Ever. You have shattered that possibility forever. It doesn't mean that you are necessarily going to get together with her. In fact, you may never see her again. But if you ever do, wow, she will never be thinking to herself, "He's a nice guy, but..."
In an interaction like this, everything is possible. You are dancing in the moment. Nothing phases you - not that she said no, and not that she said she has a boyfriend. None of this matters to you because you are open to all outcomes, and attached to none.
If you have any doubts about any of this, show this to a woman you know and ask her opinion...